I spent the first half of my life with a gaping hole the size of a dinner plate centered over my breastbone. Maybe it started out smaller; I don’t remember. But by the time I was a teenager it was making me frantic. I knew it was about something I was supposed to do or be. I got excellent grades and was very involved in my church. But the fear that I wasn’t going to find and live and express my passion in life left me so hollow I had nightmares. Without a direction, I dropped out of college. I was waiting for something to tell me who I was, what I was meant to do. The only thing I had any true passion for was my relationship with God. But my church threw me out not once but twice, the first time for teaching ballroom dancing (the money was so good!), and the second for leaving my abusive husband. By 25, I thought I’d messed up everything there was to life. Which meant there were going to be some awfully long years ahead.
The rest of my story is the same as yours: I found God instead of religion, and that horrible hole in my chest filled up with wonder and gratitude and a grin I couldn’t wipe off my face. I’d found my real passion. The Work now is about staying in right-mind, staying directly connected to that passion, directing my communion with God not “out there,” but “in here.” I was startled to discover that when I focus and pray, that center in me physically responds. It expands and comes to life. It is the touchstone I use to check my Self: Is this the right answer? Is this?? I just know. I can feel it.
And then another discovery: The same thing happens when I write. I always reach out (or in) to Holy Spirit before I write, and as the concepts come, I whisper, “Thank You, Thank You.” It’s the same zone. Passion is passion. In fact writing is an easy way for me to invoke that connection to Spirit and a way to stay connected. Words are my worship and my prayer.
Surely the same thing lives in you. You connect with music in a way that is physical, profound, deliciously overwhelming. Or you commune with nature, hushed, reverent, lost to it. It’s the same zone. Passion is passion. When I’m having a difficult time locating my guidance, I start writing in my journal. Ah, there it is. The soul opens up and I run into God’s arms and the illusory fades into the background. Use your passion as a compass to take you to the place your Self lives within you. “Now we are one with Him Who is our Source.” It makes it so much easier to leave that other self behind. Lesson 177.