Today’s lesson reminds me of that old cartoon of the Israelites wandering around in the desert, and Moses turns to his brother and says, “I thought you were leading!” The world seems lost. I read this morning, “This world has much to offer your peace.” (T.25.III.7:8) It doesn’t seem that way to me. But then all the strife I see is outside my goldfish bowl. Here in the bowl my world seems perfectly calm, lovely and nurturing, so my perception has changed at least that much.
I’ve always been a pushy broad; task-oriented, goal-motivated, advice-giver extraordinaire. So it is the epitome of surrender in me to want nothing more than for Spirit to take the lead, take my voice, take my perception and my understanding. I don’t want to lead. I want Pushy Broad to disappear and allow me to become nothing more than a child in God’s Hands. “I cannot lose the way,” is reason enough for me.
I finally had a chance this morning to sit down with my husband and explain to him the construct of ego, the goal of death of the self, the desire to live completely from the Spirit within. I wanted him to know at least a bit about the experience that has made the world look so different to me. He asked wonderful questions–”Why do you want to do that? What does it look like from there?”–but the most profound thing he said was, “It must be really hard to take care of your day-to-day life and still be able to get there.” Bingo. What I didn’t explain is that this isn’t the desert. To someone who doesn’t live and speak seeker-ese, saying that I’m following my Inner Guide probably sounds as Twilight Zone as the Israelites following a space ship disguised as a pillar of smoke. Ya had tah be there. But I know my completely secular husband drew a Course student into his life for a reason. And that for both of us–all of us–the ending is sure, and God guarantees a safe return Home. Lesson 324.