As I read today’s lesson, I realize why I seem to have plateaued. (This is what, my fifth time through the Workbook!?) Back in the days of sickness and darkness, of learning to forgive and let go, I would ask for Help perhaps a hundred times a day. The journey felt like Gandalf on the bridge in Moria: the Balrog won every time. Asking for Help seemed to be the only weapon I had.
Each day, as I read the first few sentences of the lesson, I feel a flame of bright excitement come to life within me. Who is it that is so moved by the Words of God? The Holy Spirit in me, the Self who wants to shed the false ego and Live only with God. It’s Truth. It’s the death of Gandalf the Gray so that Gandalf the White can Live. Yesterday’s lesson says, “Today the lights of Heaven bend to you, to shine upon your eyelids as you rest beyond the world of darkness. Here is light your eyes can not behold. And yet your mind can see it plainly, and can understand.” And today’s holds the key I had forgotten: “Begin your searching for the other world by asking for a strength beyond your own, and recognizing what it is you seek . . . God will be there. For you have called upon the great unfailing power which will take this giant step with you in gratitude.” Shedding the ego is not something I can do under my own puny power. But it isn’t a sword fight. It’s a stepping aside, a yielding to the Divine.
I feel that flame grow bright in me when I write. In fact, I never write unless and until I feel my soul catch fire. Not my words, but Thine. If I can surrender these moments of my life, I can surrender them all. There is a Help I might not have confessed so blatantly before, but let’s be clear: To whom in me does the ego concede? There is no God out there. There is no Holy Spirit out there. There is no “out there” out there! There is only Self, by every one of those names–God, Spirit, Soul, I Am–Who lives to overcome the ego that I think I am. I turn Within and ask for Help from what is Real and True. The illusion falls away. The Real World, Heaven, remains.
This I can do. I remember how to plead for Help all day, until the pleading and the plea disappear. “Accept a little part of hell as real, and you have damned your eyes and cursed your sight, and what you will behold is hell indeed.” And I prefer to journey forward with eyes wide shut. ACIM Text 12.VII.8-15, Lesson 130.